So I’m 19 and Just Sitting at Home… Unemployed…

That’s a sad thought. One that instigates a sense of pity within the ones who are aware that I was led to my current status through my own decisions. Some (i.e. all of my family and nosy relatives) IRREVOCABLY think I was stupid and wrong to drop engineering hardly two months into the course, and have inevitably ruined my own life. Very few understand why I was completely unable to NOT do so.

It’s like logic. I don’t know what kinda aimless, useless, good-for-nothing mass of yellow flesh you take me for. I won’t ever say you are wrong to think so either. I think the same sometimes too. But then again, just the possibility of the validity of that thought does not mean I’m not entitled to take charge of my own damn life ! Whataya say ?

Also, through my very sophisticated calculations based on hypotheses regarding the human psyche and physiology, I, with my impeccable skills of deduction, drew up the following conclusion, of which, a lot of people seem to be totally oblivious:-

WHAT THE FUCK ! EVERYONE’S GONNA DIE ANYWAY !

And I developed my thoughts along this tangent. If I already know what kinda plush, comfortable and secure life I could lead as an engineer, why do I need to relive it in reality ? I already know everything that’s gonna fall in my share. Where’s the fun of living in that ? Even YOU probably know every detail about engineers’ overexemplified “fun” lives. Like:

1. No shortage of money,

2. Vacations abroad every year,

3. Nice work schedules,

4. No shortage of money…

But WHY LEAD THE EXACT SAME LIFE AS THAT OF A MILLION OTHER PEOPLE ? Why lead a life which is completely imaginable right NOW ? It’s plain boring. Lead YOUR life man ! Let your story be no one else’s story. Why not give being a hot-shot Hollywood star a shot ? Why not give being a business tycoon a shot ? If you succeed, awesome. If you don’t, well, being alive is still a good enough opportunity to try out anything you want. If it kills you, guess what…YOU were gonna die anyway ! And believe me when I say, you won’t prove anything by being an engineer. Trust me. I was in an engineering college and it’s hard to hold conversations with most of them primarily because they don’t know a thing about a thing that is off-syllabus, and secondly, because they don’t want to. Anyone with a functional memory can get the title “engineer”. It is nothing special at all. So do you see what I mean ? By doing what I did, I cannot lose ! And one thing we need to know is that if, and only IF, each one of us did EVERYthing we were capable of, we would astound our own selves.

And yeah, I don’t mean engineering is a bad thing. It’s actually pretty cool to study…when studied NOT for exams, but for the subject (which doesn’t happen at all for most.) A cool engineer is the one who is the best in his field of specialization; for there’s no point in being a mediocre something when you could be an awesome something-else. We ALL obviously wanna be Kings, because we’re sick of living as subjects ! But to be a king you have to recognize what you are good at, and keep working on it till you become invincible in that thing you do, till NO ONE else at all can do that one thing better than you can. And that area of expertise becomes your kingdom :] And almost EVERY fuckin’ one around us, we see, IS A SUBJECT, NOT KING. And different people have different aptitudes. There are 9 kindsa intelligences as of today: mathematical, musical, spatial, aesthetic and some I forget. People are BORN to be individuals, in every sense of the word. We are different. We want different. We as a sentient species NEED different. Different is the drug we thrive on.

Ladies and bros, security is just a mask worn by monotony, and it is a poison that deludes you into believing you have everything you could ever want while keeping you from going out there and accomplishing all that you are capable of, and reaching the heights that you are capable of reaching. Security is not the destination, it’s a huge boulder along your way of reaching your own maximum, your own magnum opus.

Poem 1:

Never ask for glory
For one can only earn it,
And everybody’s story
Grants them a chance to learn it.

For dreams become a darkness
When reasons shroud them; You’ll grope
in it, and find the greatness
That’s yours if you’re armed with hope.

And then, you’ll soar till novel
Horizons adorn your sight;
You’ll make yourself a marvel
That shames the sun with his light.

Don’t fail to make your life yours –
Subservience is self deceit.
Unlock all of your heart’s doors –
The world lies under your feet.

Adversities are only
The whetstone to your skill;
You’ll conquer them completely
Once you’ve conquered your will.

All their faith, people may place
On forces you oppose;
Stand firm, endeavour – then embrace
The destiny you chose.

I wrote the poem above while in Sikkim Manipal University when I was tryna give myself the courage to make the decision I knew I had to make. I had time cuz I attended classes only when I got too bored watching movies on borrowed laptops in the hostel. I dropped engineering cuz I knew I was never going to be the best engineer in the world. And I didn’t even want to be that. I love writing. And acting and singing and entertaining. I love putting on a show even in a room full of strangers. I WANT to be the best artist in the world. That’s what I am going to work for because there, I have hope. No other moments in my life have been as worth living for as the the curtain calls I’ve had, and the post-speech applauses I’ve received. None. I’d rather be a pauper AND the best entertainer in the world, than a commission-hogging engineer with a big salary. Period. All who oppose that can go to hell. Please everyone, do yourselves a favour and do what you know you were born to do. Everything else is just gonna fall in place. In the end, it’s the work that counts, not the money. You won’t think of bigger salaries if only you are doing something you love. Honestly, it all just boils down to these words I saw once on an internet meme made on a cat’s jpeg:

Your life is your message to the world. Make it count.

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11 thoughts on “So I’m 19 and Just Sitting at Home… Unemployed…

  1. Then nothing can hold you down. Soar high Sherab! Fly as high as you can…it’s up to you! I think you can…I think you can…I think you can……………

  2. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it.

  3. Thank you so much, all of you, for hearing (reading?) me out. These were thoughts I could no longer contain. I HAD to let them out and it’s exhilarating to find that at least SOME people are with me :] Thank you so much.

  4. I agree with everything you had to say. People actually ask me all the time, “why didn’t you study engineering, what will you do with your life?” I don’t even know what to say to them, except give them the what-the-fuck stare.

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