10 Things You Just Don’t REFRAIN FROM Telling a Paulite

1. “No swimming pool?
HAH !! You’re OFFICIALLY underprivileged !!!”

2. “You guys wear woolen blazers with cardigans even during fuckin’ SUMMER ?!
HAH !! You’re OFFICIALLY aliens !!!”

3. “Y’all homies can’t handle bigger ‘BALLS’ must be why y’all play only your goddamn cricket.”

4. “So what you’re saying is, your only real uniqueness lies in your absolute inability to detach yourselves… from black umbrellas ??!”

5. “You bought a Gibson worth 3 lacs and all you can do with a guitar is FUCKIN’ POSE WITH IT!?!!

MANN can I hear Hendrix’s spirit telling me to KILL you…”

(ISC Fest, August 2011 at SAS, Kalimpong:- Was rewarded with some fake laughs, cold stares, and the feeling of blissful contentment in my heart for saying this. Words aren’t exact though. Think I mentioned Slash, not Hendrix.)

6. “Ever heard of Gorkhaland?
No?
Well, it’s the only Pokémon that ever beat Ash’s Pikachu in the latest show-season, despite being… wait for it… WATER type !”

7. (*Arrive running, panting, and looking panic stricken*)
“Mates! Fellows! Chaps! Blokes! I’ve some ghastly, ghastly news! I just overheard snippets that because you lot almost never accept local students and are perched on a distant, secluded hill-top, surrounded by bloody jungles, the townsfolk have started to think you are…”
(*Take some frantic gasps of air*)
“Mates… The townsfolk think you’re the last surviving colony of Queen Victoria’s faithfuls that are indoctrinating students into brainwashed sepoys and secretly plotting a crushing act of vengeance upon our country, within the secrecy of your walls, to restore all Her Majesty’s lost glory, re-establish the evil East India Company here, and place India under tyrannical foreign reign ALL OVER AGAIN !!!”

“PFFFT !! Which of course you’re not… Haha… Ha… HahaHAHAHAHA… Hahaha… Ha…”

“You’re not… Right?”
(*Wait for reply with a piercingly suspicious glare*)

8. “So you’re called ‘The Eton (pronounced ‘Eaten’) of The East’ huh? Well, it’s kinda apt. But ‘Eton & Excreted’ woulda had a much nicer ring to it.”

(I didn’t come up with this. This one’s a classic. Consider this an honourable mention. Btw, Eton is supposed to be the best boarding school of England.)

9. “… and therefore, after Independence, we came to realize that our country had various vibrant cultures of Her own, so we adopted them, instead of dressing and acting like those stuck-up Victorian-Age-British assholes from ‘Lagaan’ till now.”
(*Savour their Wannabe-Victorian-Age-British expression of discomfort*)

10. “No single-indoor and 4 outdoor basketball courts, or 3 fields to play in, or two-storeyed-seating-styled auditorium with balcony seats, AND an extra theatre hall just for keeps, or a clock tower that plays the school chorus every hour either?
HAH !! You’re OFFICIALLY Super-Hyper-Mega-Ultra-Über-Six-Feet-UNDERPRRIIIIVVVVIIIILLLLEEEEGGGGEEEEDD !!!

PS: Paulites are good folks. Sure they’re aloof and ridiculously rare to spot and bear traits and traditions that don’t make much sense and are desperately trapped in time and piss us, North Pointers, off just by breathing (like we piss them off all the time just by being hyper-awesome) BUT they’re nice dudes. Really nice… At least as far as I know. So, actually, don’t just say stuff like this to them… Yet.

But hey, hey, heyyy… They actually… ahem… still don’t have a swimming pool…

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