1. Everytime you’re in a group, and someone finishes a statement sentence, all eyes turn to you, twinkling with the expectation that you’ll say something that will troll the former speaker.
2. And since you’re always trolling speakers that precede you, people have started talking lesser and lesser around you… which means you always see them mentally playing a game of “You go first… No. You go first !” with each other through visual cues.
3. And ya love it, ya sick sonuvabitch !
4. You wake up, and your life comes crashing down almost every morning, because you realize you’re just like Siddhartha Pradhan.
5. Other mornings, you wake up with a throbbing, rock solid boner that is screaming to your face “Jerk me off ! JERK ME OFF !!!“, but instead of complying, you mentally chide your penis, for having no originality of thought, or sense of humour.
6. Sometimes you end up making people laugh too damn hard. And you regret it cuz their laughter involves lotsa snorting, or sounds like frogs having loud lube-less sex.
7. Other times you regret making people laugh so damn hard cuz the frequency of their laughter tears open an interdimensional wormhole in thin air, that sucks you inside itself and you’re transported to this whole new interuniversal dimension where Americans’ favourite beverage is ice-cold-oil, Bimal Gurung speaks with a British accent, Jesus Christ is more famous than The Beatles, and “Race ‘n’ Religion” is just the name of a board game (…while Leonardo DiCaprio still hasn’t won an Oscar).
8. The 8th item of all the lists you publish online are barely ever funny. You’ll never know why.
9. No one wants to see you sad, and I don’t mean that like it’s a good thing. People stick around only for as long as your jokes keep coming, because, about you, that’s all that sells.
10. So, sadly, you keep being funny.
10. You’re so used to laughing you forget to even count when you’re thinking sad thoughts.
10. In time, your penis actually does develop an originality of thought and a sense of humour ! And you guys stay up sharing philosophies and jokes all night.
10. You need to stop writing this article because you’re in Darjeeling and you know too many people are uncomfortable for no reasonable reason already, and you’re already bored thinking about all the customary hate messages you’ll receive after this.